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INT.  NYC APARTMENT - NIGHT

 

SAM gets ready for a date and is brushing her hair. ASHLEY watches tv in the living room, elbow deep in a bag of Funions. 

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SAM.   Let me ask you a question. Does this hair say farmer's daughter to you?

ASHLEY.   More like a milkmaid, a beautiful sexy milkmaid. I'm sure he won’t care.

SAM.   I'll just wear a hat. He wants to meet me at the park and go ice skating. 

ASHLEY.   Ice skating? Oh that sounds a-mazing. That's so romantic ooh la la… I've never been, but I heard they play 80’s music, and have cool lights and a disco ball and stuff. Sounds fun... 

SAM.   Yeah I’m excited! And Nervous. We’re getting hot chocolate first. It'll be cute. 

ASHLEY.   Aw, I love that! I love hot chocolate! (Beat.)  Hey, do you think it would be weird if I came?

SAM.    On my date?

ASHLEY.   Yeah, why not. I’m off work. 

SAM.   Uh yeah I think that would be weird.

ASHLEY.   Please, I need to get out of my room. It stinks so bad in there. 

SAM.   Girl...

ASHLEY.   I just want to get out on the ice! I’ve never seen a zamboni before. I’ want felt the blade beneath my feet as I glide. I won’t bother you two. You won’t even know I’m there. 

SAM.   Alright, fine. But you have to skate on the other side of the rink

ASHLEY.   (Twirls.) Yay!

SAM.   But I have some rules.

ASHLEY.   Boo!

SAM.   Rule one, no talking about puppets. 

ASHLEY.    Aw Cmon. Can I at least talk about-SAM.    

NO! None of that Howdy Doody Chuck E Cheese Pinocchio bullshit. 

ASHLEY.   Chuck E cheese is not a puppet, he's animatronic.

SAM.   Rule number two, no musical theater, period. I don't even need to say anything else on that one. And when we get the hot chocolate, you have to get your own. I’m not giving you any of mine because you backwash and it's disgusting.  

ASHLEY.   I'm going to kiss you now. (Kisses her forehead.)

SAM.   Honestly I’m glad you're coming, this way if he turns out to be an axe murderer, he can kill us together.

ASHLEY.    Aw, that's sweet. I love that, I love you. I love us, (Singing.) Seasons of Loooooooooove. 

SAM.   Ehh!

ASHLEY.   Sorry, it’s out of the system. Alright I'm good. Let me go grab my coat. Oh my gosh I’m so nervous! First date with my roommate! Eeeeeeek!